Turnings that make Circles.

Silence is a sound itself. Maybe, all these congregations are not the problem. It is, perhaps, the profound silence that prevails like streaming music in my head. Little children, varying ages 3, 5, 7, 9, their laughter, their cries, their colourful clothes and just the deafening silence. A sister gone, a sister's attitude, friends lost, friends found. Khalas who are wedding planners, mother who gets too emotional, grand parents who have their feet hanging above their graves, branded clothes that are too loose. Me. Head ache and endlessly grumpy. Sleep. I don't want to wake up and see that you aren't there. I don't want to wake up and see that your breath is missing and the entire warmth that is left on the skin like frost. I don't want to know that you don't miss me at all. " 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you. " I. Don't. Want. To. Wake. Up. Just. Let. Me. Sleep.Till. Forever, Please?

Sometimes, when you look back, there is one thing in your life that you regret so much, that makes you regret your own existence. I regret hurting a certain best friend. I don't think it should sound like I have many best friends, 'cause I've thought about it many times; she was my only best friend. The only one, who truly wanted the best of me, who truly wanted to see me shine; she really believed in me. I miss her unselfish ways, her calming kind words. Her sarcasm to make me stop wailing. I miss you. There is so much to say, yet my vocal chords are hushed 'cause you're no longer beside me. I would cry, but the trailing tears would only fall on bed sheet covers and pillows, and not your shoulder. This winter will be colder than usual, you're warm hugs that tell me that this is life, that this is not in your hands, don't subsist anymore. Tonight, when my sister got married, I felt the loss of one extra sister; you were like my sister. You were supposed to b...

Tired. There are too many people in my house. It's an absolute house full. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers. They've broken the pure little silence I used to belong to. The dum dum of the dholkis and the chhun chhun of the dufli . Annoying, yet the beat liberates a piece of my soul to the surrounding. Voicelessly mouthing the songs, 'cause I don't know the lyrics. Humming instead, just to make the song seem louder. All this noise, all this pollution, but you don't stop existing in me, do you? The synchronization of the dholki and the heart beat, pounding together, only to remind me of you. Let me love you, or just pack your bags from my heart, from my head and go. I wish you would just call, even if it is to tell me you won't talk to me for a long time. Call me, so I hear the real beat, the real mizraab to my heart. We danced. It's funny how much weariness one can handle. Move till the side of your ribs allow no more movement, jum...

*Soche Dil Ke Aisa Kash Ho, Tujhko Ek Nazar Meri Talaash Ho..* I've never replaced you. My heart is an elastic band, letting in as many people as it can; to complete the void that has been made for eternity, since the day you were made to leave. I thought I saw you today. I was talking to my cousin, and mid conversation I came to an abrupt halt, staring at the people passing by. Not breathing till i realised none of them were you. One large breath.  Am I forgetting the beauty of your skin and mixing you with the ordinary? Do you think of me? When you're sad. When you're hurt. When you're happy. When you cry. When you have done you're best and you need someone to say, I'm Proud of you .  One large breath. Don't you ever wish for me? Wish that things were as pretty as they used to be? Kash aisa ho , with me? Mia Jaan. I miss you. I do care for you. I Dedicate this song to you, My Ajnabi, Stranger. Mar jawan mar jawan… tere ishq pe mar jawan mar jawan mar ja...

I need. To. Shower. It's been six days. I go to my bathroom, announcing I am going for a shower, and then when I come out, my face is shiny and clean, my teeth are brushed, my toe nails are tidy, but I am dirty.  Dirty. Erk. Shower.  I don't want to. I don't want to get up from my bed, I just wanna lie awake, staring at my ceiling, my newly painted walls. I want to look outside the window, 'cause I have no curtains, I'm getting Yellow Blinds. It's a mundane Winter grey. Hmph.  Can't you just throw another quilt? I'm still Cold. Before you leave, don't forget to turn off the lights and to shut the door.

My first Zippo. My Dragonfly. My catalyst. Mine. Isn't it Beautiful? My winter warmth.

I am writing blah. Sleeping on the sofa's, is in fact very uncomfortable. The coldness of the leather penetrating through your pants and not giving them a single opportunity to get warmed. My room is going to turn Lavender and one wall ocean turquaz ( turquoise). Ergo, sleeping on the sofa. I could be sleeping in my sister's room but they decided to.. Well never mind.  STORY OF THE WORD TURQUOISE The word  turquoise  was derived around 16th century from the  French language  either from the word for Turkish  ( Turquois ) or  dark-blue stone  ( pierre turquin ).  This may have arisen from a misconception: turquoise does not occur in  Turkey  but was traded at Turkish bazaars to Venetian merchants who brought it to Europe. Today, I went through all the pictures on my fb profile, looking for the number of pictures of the two people with me, I used to call my bestfriends. Turns out, there aren't many. I miss them, sometimes; no, I missed them today, only 'cause I brought my...

                         GRUB BOARD    GRUB TREE            * LAND OF GRUB * I don't know what it was about these people, that made me so comfortable with them. These people, are My Friends. We are grubious dubious, at all times. We belong from Grub Land. [It's the BEST piece of land] We are Grub .  I don't think, I would've ever liked Lahore, if it wasn't for these guys. From this lot, the only two people I truly know, are Shiza and Aadil. And I am quite certain, that if I had more time, they would've been my bestest friends . =D You know the type of friends, who you don't have to ask them to help you out for your sister's wedding, but they come to help anyway. The friends who take you everywhere and anywhere they are going to. The type of friends you could remain silent with, and they still won't judge you. Perhaps, thats 'cause we are very very dubious at all times, but who knows =P You know what, I typed up three paragraph...