Turnings that make Circles.

I write off and on. I can't complete sentences.  Memory is on the verge of falling and never coming back. Yet memories made never seem to be forgotten; they fade but all you need is a particular smell and you've started thinking right back from the beginning. Retracing every step, wondering what had gone wrong. Now I see you, and I don't need the provocation of smell to bring memories. All I need Is a glance and I know exactly what has happened-how I fell in love with you. How you fell out of love and I didn't even know.  I know why jealousy pours in and settles in as a misty grey- no not grey, its more of an alizarin crimson. Full of magnificent fury and rage. Anger having the power to kill. Yet. Powerlessly fades into grey and black. Black that sets in as a void in me. Perhaps that's why I've shrunken.  'Lovers to friends. Why do all good things come to an end'

No one To love, loved By none either.  All threatened by the vicious cycle. But this is me you are threatening. I have imagined my whole life with you and here you telling me you will leave? Well threast would have a greater meaninging, if it hadn't been for things actually happening to me like that. No no. Threats still scare me. They are like a press okay to a give up sign. Mostly because wreckage is a major part of life. History repeats itself, so do the mistakes, I would be a great student if I knew what to learn. Yes, the desire to write more often has died, it's 'cause I learnt that I can't be a writer and not like writing did any great for anyone. How far did writers get anyway?  All is real as far as its felt, but what is feeling? Even Chuck Bass can't feel so he hurts himself. When did you get this rude? Is it when you realised that I am not the one? At least just answer that. If you have to leave, then go now; don't make the other suffer.

Replacing your memories of areas with others. A lost cause. But a lot of people don't even believe in what I call a lost cause. Height of optimism. Earth and the rest of the other planets orbit around the sun. If you look carefully, even if you don't admit to it, someone's world rotates around someone else's. How something will utterly affect you,because your world orbits around them, and their revolving is not around you but around someone else.. Jealousy? No. Just a minor observation that arouse from feeling secondary. My purpose wasn't to express people's denial but rather to tell how confusing all of this is. Your world around someones and that someone's around someone else's? Can't anything that you want be yours? And you are reciprocated? But who cares? Deviating again, we are. Doesn't all this spinning make you nauseous? Don't things begin to collide and destruction becomes a salsa dance with itself. This time you think you wil...

                                                                              You won't catch me around here anymore.

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No man is an island. But you make feel like island; every passing day.

It's funny how you said you want to help me face the world but you became the world I had to face.  

It sucks being more ordinary. The buildings keep growing and when they are finally built, or even before that, you see a new one being built again. It's the same old story. Again and Again.. Why does she still stick around even though its such a mess? Because she can't help but being around. She's just another moth attracted to the flame you radiate. Somethings you can say and take them back. But then there are some you can't take back. You can't take back what you said. Now, even though the hurt is diffused, it still pricks. Underneath that roof, the things you said. Killed a part of her. You can't bring a dead man back to life. If  you could, I would bring my grandfather back.

One can make you feel more ordinary everyday, but the worst is when you are more ordinary to another person, each passing day. I am more ordinary to you each and every surpassing day.

It's about love. It's about grief and death, that shatters you and then things that get stolen. It's about failure and how it defeats you It's about jealousy, and Godlessness. It's about faith that got lost and got found and lost again. It's about the winters and the grey, mundane sky, yet so beautiful it makes her heart happy. It's about the way your eyes make her feel. The way everything is perfect when you're lying down so close that everything is just one entity. It's about the way you hold someone when everything feels like its going to fall apart, because everything is falling apart. It's about understanding and forgetting yet remembering. It's about instances and being afraid, afraid of loss. It's about loving someone and watching them love someone else. It's about how, even a single day, your day doesn't go by thinking about the one you love. It's about how she will always be a second;always be a fr...

Winter has finally shown its grey cold to me, its bare form of bitterness that slithers your wrists and you don't even need a blade. Just when you think that you've hit the concrete ground, you realise that, that wasn't the ground. There is more to it. More falling, before rising. But if its fathomless, will we never hit the ground? Will we never elevate? This winter came with a touch of failure, jealousy and worst of all a punch of death.  I had so much to say when I began writing but now the words have evaded me, a mind block I suppose. Thank you for being there, thank you for holding me and keeping my pieces together.