Turnings that make Circles.

I wrote this ages ago, never got the time to publish it. Here it is now. You wailed and he pretended not to hear the sorrow in your voice. You wondered, sleepless, if he was inadvertently oblivious or perhaps he didn't want to stick to a salty conversation. As usual, things that would mean weightily, were left at the edge of the dark sea shore, to be washed away into the endless sea tides. He missed the right words, again . You don't exist in his mind, do you?

To me, you were many bright sunny days. So tell me, why do I miss you when it's raining. I take pills and remind myself of the horrors I've already lived. It has been raining, continuously; it's cold and empty. A revelation bestowed, my love for rain has diminished, like winter fog that clears at midday. You don't love me. Don't be fooled by your own thought, I don't love you either. You'll never see the hidden truth, you'll always believe the facade you see. If only you would will to see behind it, would it matter to you, at all? Insanity overwhelms, and this two centimeter, white object will help through another nocturnal night. Have I not become, what we both despised? A misery thriving adolescent, another attention craving madman. Do you see what your absence has done? Talking to the moonlight and it only shines it's perfect stillness, like the plastic doll smile, repulsively fake. Truth is. Light blinds you, like a meaningful song pricking hole...

Waking up at five, your van is down stairs, honking at six thirty, telling you to come downstairs. You've only slept two and a half hours. You can't sleep on the van, 'cause the ride is too bumpy. You look outside your window, you see the sun trying to rise. These dark winter clouds suppress the yellow ball's path. The sky is pink, perhaps its the mixing of yellow and grey, streaks of grey clouds, it's divine. It is setting, when you get home. It's greyer than ever, it's not pretty, not one bit. It's cold and the place you call home, isn't really anything but an empty vessel. It's where people don't want you, where people are sitting and counting the amount of money they've spent on you. It's where people are trying to hide the truth from others - she is dumb,we paid extra to get her in. It's a flowery, gorgeous facade; if you enter, you'll see the real monsters that lurk behind it. Bitter cold people, bitter cold monsters . Y...

Had you only said, "Let me hold your hand." I would've survived. Isn't silence, the only sound between you and I?

To be in love is to be oblivious to the truth. You know, how your favorite book ends and yet you read it like you've never read it before. Some part of us knew that our love was not going to last forever, yet hopelessly we hoped it would; we knew that our hand-built love would be decimated by human nature. To the extent we could, we even fought fate to be together, but what was in store for us, was to be ours. Sometimes, when I wonder, what exactly happened. All I know that everything that occurred, our decline, the fall, was my fault. Each and every one. The treasons were not defensible, just a hush and an " I don’t know " was all I had to say.Everything that took place was continuous, no time in between torebuilt, to renovate the broken base. I had become callous and aperson whom neither the Stranger nor I recognized. It was a face,bitter and ugly, hurtful and ridiculous, dubious and heartless. I began breaking promises that mattered most to My Stranger. I had Broken a ...

I was tagged by Hfm SCATTERGORIES 1. What is your name: Michelle 2. A 4 Letter word: meri 3. A Boys Name: Mike 4. A Girls Name: Maria 5. An Occupation: Maid 6. A Color: Maroon 7. Something you wear: Mask 8. A Beverage: Martini 9. A Food: Mayonnaise 10. Something found in the bathroom: mat 11. A place: Madagascar 12. A Reason for being late: Mating =P 13. Something you shout: MOTHER I'd keep the spirit alive, but all those i would tag, are already tagged.

You wouldn't know how it felt, even if you could feel. You're a mannequin, plasticated, pasted, Polly the doll. Inside you're hollow and you know it. You'd never fill up, not even if you drank all the vodka stored up in you're cabinet. Not even if you smoked all the weed and the tobacco. He isn't coming back. She isn't coming back. You aren't going back. Who said, love is enough for things to ever work out? You're a complete psychopath, living for no one but yourself. I'd suggest you to go commit suicide and burn in hell for the rest of eternity. You said you loved her? You're nothing but a zombie, no feeling at all and hunger for one's misery. You don't message nor do you message back. You could've asked how the wedding was, you could've asked how she was. And though you said, sad aren't you, since your sister left. I felt the sarcasm of it. You son of a bitch. Why don't you snort some coke and feel like the king, may...

I think of you, Stranger and memories pour like rain. The time you and I stayed back at tuition. Hiding behind the door, your body pinning me against the wall. Your warmth with the November cold. Lifted shirts and tracing tongues. First love bites and hiding them with your white sweater. I miss you. And then. You're never there, no matter how much my longing grows and no matter how hard it gets to breathe without you; You are never there. His gaze burns my skin, I know he's looking. He comes closer, in this bitter winter, I can make out his incessant warmth, I want to hide into his arms. He comes closer, nearly wrapping his arms around me, I want to stay, I shove him back and run. He's able to grab my hand, he doesn't let me go. Staring into my eyes, he whispers my ear, "it's going to be okay, let me in." His breath lingers on my neck, goose bumping my skin. No. Pushing him away with all my strength,though I know he will take care of me, though I know he c...

Silence is a sound itself. Maybe, all these congregations are not the problem. It is, perhaps, the profound silence that prevails like streaming music in my head. Little children, varying ages 3, 5, 7, 9, their laughter, their cries, their colourful clothes and just the deafening silence. A sister gone, a sister's attitude, friends lost, friends found. Khalas who are wedding planners, mother who gets too emotional, grand parents who have their feet hanging above their graves, branded clothes that are too loose. Me. Head ache and endlessly grumpy. Sleep. I don't want to wake up and see that you aren't there. I don't want to wake up and see that your breath is missing and the entire warmth that is left on the skin like frost. I don't want to know that you don't miss me at all. " 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you. " I. Don't. Want. To. Wake. Up. Just. Let. Me. Sleep.Till. Forever, Please?

Sometimes, when you look back, there is one thing in your life that you regret so much, that makes you regret your own existence. I regret hurting a certain best friend. I don't think it should sound like I have many best friends, 'cause I've thought about it many times; she was my only best friend. The only one, who truly wanted the best of me, who truly wanted to see me shine; she really believed in me. I miss her unselfish ways, her calming kind words. Her sarcasm to make me stop wailing. I miss you. There is so much to say, yet my vocal chords are hushed 'cause you're no longer beside me. I would cry, but the trailing tears would only fall on bed sheet covers and pillows, and not your shoulder. This winter will be colder than usual, you're warm hugs that tell me that this is life, that this is not in your hands, don't subsist anymore. Tonight, when my sister got married, I felt the loss of one extra sister; you were like my sister. You were supposed to b...

Tired. There are too many people in my house. It's an absolute house full. Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandfathers and grandmothers. They've broken the pure little silence I used to belong to. The dum dum of the dholkis and the chhun chhun of the dufli . Annoying, yet the beat liberates a piece of my soul to the surrounding. Voicelessly mouthing the songs, 'cause I don't know the lyrics. Humming instead, just to make the song seem louder. All this noise, all this pollution, but you don't stop existing in me, do you? The synchronization of the dholki and the heart beat, pounding together, only to remind me of you. Let me love you, or just pack your bags from my heart, from my head and go. I wish you would just call, even if it is to tell me you won't talk to me for a long time. Call me, so I hear the real beat, the real mizraab to my heart. We danced. It's funny how much weariness one can handle. Move till the side of your ribs allow no more movement, jum...

*Soche Dil Ke Aisa Kash Ho, Tujhko Ek Nazar Meri Talaash Ho..* I've never replaced you. My heart is an elastic band, letting in as many people as it can; to complete the void that has been made for eternity, since the day you were made to leave. I thought I saw you today. I was talking to my cousin, and mid conversation I came to an abrupt halt, staring at the people passing by. Not breathing till i realised none of them were you. One large breath.  Am I forgetting the beauty of your skin and mixing you with the ordinary? Do you think of me? When you're sad. When you're hurt. When you're happy. When you cry. When you have done you're best and you need someone to say, I'm Proud of you .  One large breath. Don't you ever wish for me? Wish that things were as pretty as they used to be? Kash aisa ho , with me? Mia Jaan. I miss you. I do care for you. I Dedicate this song to you, My Ajnabi, Stranger. Mar jawan mar jawan… tere ishq pe mar jawan mar jawan mar ja...

I need. To. Shower. It's been six days. I go to my bathroom, announcing I am going for a shower, and then when I come out, my face is shiny and clean, my teeth are brushed, my toe nails are tidy, but I am dirty.  Dirty. Erk. Shower.  I don't want to. I don't want to get up from my bed, I just wanna lie awake, staring at my ceiling, my newly painted walls. I want to look outside the window, 'cause I have no curtains, I'm getting Yellow Blinds. It's a mundane Winter grey. Hmph.  Can't you just throw another quilt? I'm still Cold. Before you leave, don't forget to turn off the lights and to shut the door.

My first Zippo. My Dragonfly. My catalyst. Mine. Isn't it Beautiful? My winter warmth.

I am writing blah. Sleeping on the sofa's, is in fact very uncomfortable. The coldness of the leather penetrating through your pants and not giving them a single opportunity to get warmed. My room is going to turn Lavender and one wall ocean turquaz ( turquoise). Ergo, sleeping on the sofa. I could be sleeping in my sister's room but they decided to.. Well never mind.  STORY OF THE WORD TURQUOISE The word  turquoise  was derived around 16th century from the  French language  either from the word for Turkish  ( Turquois ) or  dark-blue stone  ( pierre turquin ).  This may have arisen from a misconception: turquoise does not occur in  Turkey  but was traded at Turkish bazaars to Venetian merchants who brought it to Europe. Today, I went through all the pictures on my fb profile, looking for the number of pictures of the two people with me, I used to call my bestfriends. Turns out, there aren't many. I miss them, sometimes; no, I missed them today, only 'cause I brought my...

                         GRUB BOARD    GRUB TREE            * LAND OF GRUB * I don't know what it was about these people, that made me so comfortable with them. These people, are My Friends. We are grubious dubious, at all times. We belong from Grub Land. [It's the BEST piece of land] We are Grub .  I don't think, I would've ever liked Lahore, if it wasn't for these guys. From this lot, the only two people I truly know, are Shiza and Aadil. And I am quite certain, that if I had more time, they would've been my bestest friends . =D You know the type of friends, who you don't have to ask them to help you out for your sister's wedding, but they come to help anyway. The friends who take you everywhere and anywhere they are going to. The type of friends you could remain silent with, and they still won't judge you. Perhaps, thats 'cause we are very very dubious at all times, but who knows =P You know what, I typed up three paragraph...

My this week's obsession word is Perhaps. Perhaps, Lovers turn to Strangers and Strangers turn into Lawyers and Doctors and Dentists. Perhaps, my head ache, is not lack of sleep, but stress. Perhaps, i do really love you. Perhaps, this is not a game. Perhaps I  want to go out for a fancy dinner, but i am not a food person. Perhaps, you still think thoughts, which you try not to think. Perhaps, I am a coward. Perhaps i am as sickening as it seems. Perhaps, I do tell the real story. Perhaps, God doesn't know me. Perhaps, i need to sleep. Perhaps, my body would stop shaking and stop being paranoid about earthquakes. Perhaps, my blog makes me insane. Perhaps, the stage horn in front of me is not really purple but its pink. Perhaps, i have a gene for O positive blood. Perhaps, its not sickening to pursue  a profession; considering the amount it costs. Perhaps, I do know how much it takes out of them to give me such a chance. Perhaps, I'm hungry. Perhaps. Perhaps, I'll miss...

She lay awake in her distorted room. Cartons, empty, full and half full of books, discarded in the corner. Bed that should be next to the window, is in the middle of the room, diagonally put. Room still needs to be painted ocean turquoise. Staring at her cell phone, as though waiting for a call. Waiting to be able to hear a voice, that will help her across the river, that will let the blood flow, with the force that it is supposed to. That will let her breathe in peace.  Dismayed, she put her cell phone to one side and turned her back to it. Thinking of how life is unpredictable, how red can turn to black, she falls asleep crying. Her phone vibrates, once and then twice. She opens her eyes, feeling of knowing who it could be fills her. It's as though the Stranger is linked to her in some telepathic way; like a mother's intuition tells her when her child is lying. She stretches her hand and picks up the call without looking at the number.  "Hello" That's all he nee...

No. No No. This is what i want. But.  I don't want to kill you for this. I want to hold my chest and cry and cry. Shouldn't I be happy? Perhaps, its not in my ability to be able to do it. And i should turn it down. I can handle this. Can i?   Gather yourself up. You. Will. Stay. Shut. You. Will. Handle this on your own. You will. Handle that too, on your own.  Will i? WILL I?

There's a man filling the square shaped hole in the wall with bricks and cement; from where the air conditioner has been removed to be replaced by a split. From sky, sad blue walls her room will be ocean turquoise, finally a new colour. She sits in the corner of her room, wondering of how her favourite city roads were broken and changed, altering her memory of them. Thinking, if the wall colours are changed, will everything, that has been left, the little bit, would it also change.  Taking a deep sigh, she gets up and pulls the carton of books out, from under the study table. She has to sort these books out, she won't need them anymore. Her room needs to be cleaned before the painters paint the walls with new colour, with new pain.  There is a sudden urge to look through each note book, through each text book.  Notebooks, that have pieces of her past written, that she can't forget, even after trying. They have love of the rarest kind marked all over it; hand written message...

Who is to tell you the truth? My truth? That i am again, existing between the parallel lines. That I'm mingled in your life and i want to be part of everything. Every moment you wake up, so i can see those lips. Every time you sleep, i want to be around, so i know your okay, breathing. Breathing not too fast and not to slow. In your fragrance i want to drown, suffocate. Choke and die. In your arms, soft and loving, i want to be. Holding me, till eternity. Who is to tell you. That its you, i want to be surrounded by. Not the people, not friends, but You. That a moment without you, is a taste of silence and death. That, by hearing your voice, i can be a million things, all that you want me to be. Who is to tell you. That i am ready to spend the rest of my life, waking up next to you. Anywhere, in any way you're ready to keep me. That i would want to go to the beaches with you. In a country like Greece we'll stay, loving and observing sea shells, oysters and crabs that are san...

Do you know, how many times i think of you in a day or even in a second? Not all is pretentious, I miss you and I do love you.  My heart is crumbling. That silence, the sarcasm, those words that tell me you don't care. I'm breaking too. You always said you could read my eyes.  Stare into them and tell me what you find? Tell me if you find, love for someone else. Tell me if you really believe that I don't care. And I'm afraid. That you'll look into my eyes and tell me that you really do believe that i don't care. That you really think i am in love with someone else. That these words will torture me, slowly and painfully, to death. There is so much i need to say, i want to say. I'm tongue tied, afraid of not knowing what might hurt you next. Agreed, my behaviour is callous. But Damn this world and the people. I wish you knew. I wish you knew, that i too have grown tired. That i too have been through a fall, maybe not even comparably as deep as yours, but i hav...

I finally gained some weight. I'm back to being 44 kgs . In Ramazan , i lost way too much weight. I was 40 kgs . The rants and the scoldings I've had to hear from siblings and mother. Today I had a class at twelve. But i woke up at eight. Yesterday night, every part of me seemed to ache. Seemed to miss a Stranger's alacrity, which turned to pure silence. It has been my fault, i know it. I woke up at eight, to go to the gym, my haven. There is something about over exerting yourself there. It's therapy, like driving. Putting ipod head phones to each ear, a flat screen in front of you. You choose Fashion TV as the channel you want to watch. Treadmill on incline 6 and speed 6.  There is something about jogging instead of walking and running instead of jogging. If your stamina allows thirty minutes nonstop, I did forty five. When you get off, the calf muscles aching, slight tremors resulting in instability. It seems like your still in motion, even though your at a halt. The...

Burning chest pains. So much for the head ache. It was replaced by silence, that too causing a catastrophe. I sometimes wonder, when this sadness will subside with happiness? You know it so well. You know exactly how each and every word of yours will hurt. Don't you know ? The chest cavity feels heavy and full. It hurts your heart, not metaphorically but in real. Your heart under the pressure of hurt. It 'causes something to rise up in your throat. In vain efforts, you try to swallow it. It rises up more fiercely. Watering your eyes. Drip drip, tears fall.  You don't howl, but your chest is waiting for its release. Shaking your head in defiance, you wait patiently for it come to a halt. It doesn't. The hollow, un-hollow grows deeper and deeper. Till there is nothing left for it confine it in.  You Break. Lets all applause for the silence, that keeps breaking us. Me. You. Them.

Words make sentences but I don't feel like making sentences. I want to dance with words. Swirling them and twirling myself around them, a never ending moving circle we would be. Whirling words and humans. Whirling Dervishes. My head is hurting. My legs are giving away to gravity. I think I can't stand up properly, if I do, I Will fall. I've smashed my face into the ground at least thrice. It never hurt then. You were always there to hold me in your arms, let my head rest on your neck. You knew you were my only hope. Letting me inhale your scent, my love, my hope. Dammit. I'm Sorry. Really. Just come back. It's been long. I am sorry. My skin bares marks of my past, each and everyone howling the pain inflicted on you. Reminding me, of all the times I've fucked up. I'm going home now. It's my break for half an hour. I don't feel too well. My head aches. My sturdy legs, seem hesitant. I'm letting the darkness in. Encompassing me and I will not show r...

Drumming is the most beautiful art. I wish to be a drummer. Yes, I'm sort of, partially ditching the fun fair at the moment. I checked my dentistry result. I got a 63%. Not enough for me to get in. So yeah. I wonder why i am at the fun fair. I am getting darker in the sun. Urgh. Yes, i have colour issues, i belong by blood to the sub continent and you can never take it out of my system. I am waiting for Ami's call, cause i need to tell her that i passed and that i don't think i am getting in. Plus i am getting a hang of this Software Engineering. Waiting. Not for Ami. Waiting at the fun fair. My body is acting in a manner of waiting. Waiting, desperately, hoping to find a face, that I've NEEDED to see in so long. I miss your hair. Your brightly lit eyes. My hope. Why aren't you coming. I don't think you even know, there's a funfair. My heart is sobbing. Let me hold you. Hold me and " set me Free ". Going back now. To my captivation. To my steel ch...

I learnt a very valuable lesson today. I left half of Physics yesterday. Half Blank. Today, I gave a very interesting stare at my Calculus question paper. Smiled and drew hearts on every question number. Got up and Left. Fully Blank, didn't even bother writing question number one on my answer sheet. So, what i learnt was that, half filled papers are much better than those left completely. Completely numb. Utter lack of emotion. Does that make me callous? Or does that just makes me numb? I try spending most of my time away from here. I am helping my sister with her work. It feels good. Just sitting next to her, talking aimlessly, mindlessly about stuff that doesn't matter. She'll be gone soon and that makes me very sad. Very. Want some butter scotch candy? K didn't show up to school. We had made a cake for him. I even bought a card. I never buy cards for anyone ekh . K, has a broken ankle. :( I hope he gets better. Now, i really don't have anybody to look forward to...

I am after all in the university, wasting the forty five minutes that i have. I am doing this, because my life has no other meaning. Blog. My friends they are still giving a paper that i left half blank. Blank. I feel blank or maybe i feel numb. Or maybe i dont feel anything at all. I think i feel all of these. Heh! Pretty stupid, doncha think. I deactivated my facebook. I hadn't used it in over a week, anyway. I'm shutting this blog down soon. I wrote an entire blog for it, which is on my usb, that i didn't bring here. I forgot. Adil, is giving me too much sarcasm . It's K's birthday tomorrow. I am not getting him anything. Tomorrow is a Fun Fair. Yay. How exciting. It's going to be Disgustingly Hot. Ekh . *rolls Eyes* I don't think there will be anyone that i'll be looking forward to meet. Tomorrow is my CALCULUS EXAM. CALCULUS. Man. Numbers, they are just weird figures to me. An Eight is a Snow man. Nine is One boob on a woman. Ten is Guli Danda. HA...

She kept reading that book till 2.30 am. The fan turning round and round on UPS, otherwise no electricity. She finally thought, she must sleep. Making a note in her mind, "Alarm at nine. Leaving for Peshawar at ten am." She wakes up its 4am. A slick film of sweat is formed at the back of her long, thin neck. Eyes heavy and droopy with sleep. Yawning from time to time, still desperate for some sleep, knowing she won't be able to get some. Pulsating pain, near the Medulla Oblogonta region. A loud roar like thunder, that makes your glass windows tremble. A thought. You. Are you okay? Sure, you are. You were never scared of thunders, I was. A shiver travels down her spine, as the sweat evaporates. The pain becomes more concentrated. Fear and trying to be brave, running parallel, though fear dominates. The thought becomes concentrated. Memories, pour down on you, like this thunder's rain. Too many. Too beautiful.  And the unrestless - ness begins. Promising, no sleep for...

Blurred vision, I try observing the depths of the unwinding roads and the blinding street lamps. This place, this City I live in, makes me feel I have Multiple Personality Disorder or some disease that is closely related.  This City, is two people to me. Two minds, two hearts, twenty fingers and twenty toes. It is two people, for whom I have paradoxical emotions for. Love and Hate. Not hate, but dislike. The City changed, to Two different people, within Three years and Two months. I loved the narrower roads that led to my house. The single road. People crossing my house in two different directions, on the same road. I loved the traffic lights without the timers. These timers make me feel impatient, like the red will never turn yellow and green. I loved those roads we drove through together; hand in hand  or arms around the waist. Those roads that had our memories etched upon. They destroyed and made new roads. They deserted me off my physical link to them. I used to love them. What hav...

Blog. I don't like you anymore. I feel like destroying each and every shred that i have created out of you. Out of me. To be reliable upon you. In fact, i think, i loathe you, absolutely. Maybe i should decimate your entire existence. Each and every post, each and every word written on you.  I  Fucking Hate You. Hahahahahah. I might sound insane. I think. I need a new blog. Yes i will make a new blog. I'm done with this one. I think .

There is so much shouting, but all a new kind of silence. So much silence. M is silently crying over her daughter, whose about to leave home and make a new home. M is silently crying for coming back, because she thinks it is the biggest mistake of her life. A is silently crying, because she doesn't want to leave. D is silently weeping, because he just doesn't know, what to do. M is silently crying, because she feels the pain of the four. The Fantastic Four. I love you. You love me. We are a happy family . With a great big hug and kiss from me to you.Won't you say you loveee me too?

I have managed to delete about 11 of my old posts.  Some which i liked. I'm going away, to Far Far And Further Away land. There will be me and some adrenaline pumping rides. Music, too good for ears. Food? No ick. There will be Candies and Candies and Candies and Candies. There will be our old gaming centre, Gridlock. There will be Mohaa. A state of constant war and killings. Lots of objective missions and there will be ^Dejaa Vu^, Smacky, Loop, Black Raven, Fiz(one-man-army), Trooper, Nitro, Wolf ]-[eart, Agent [x], Afridii and me, }}|||choti_goth. Where we converse in swears. Have our own little language, H e's in the room, he's in the room . He killed me, he's on the bridge Choti, cover kar yaar. You know, i think i'll end up deleting this post too, after sometime, if not now. I'm so tempted to take a sleeping pill tonight, to sleep. Otherwise i won't end up sleeping. No, i don't majorly suffer from insomnia anymore. I just. Don't feel like being ...

Ladies and Gentlemen. The Lord has calmed the storm in my head. It's late and i have an exam tomorrow. I think I am depressed 'cause i haven't showered since, well, Eid. Wow. That's long, but i dont stink or anything, otherwise my mom would've told me. It's a good thing for deos. Well since my exam is on introduction to computers, my friend tells me i should write :  "to the answer of every question write like 10101010011100001101001010101011001 and fill paragraphs full of it and when they ask you what it is say you wrote it in binary and it got to your head while you were studying"   If only i could actually do it.  OMG, my actual topic was Rain, and now its stopped and i've deviated from the topic way further than i thought i could! So. I want losts of rain. I want lightening. I want you. I want music. I want Dance. I want jays. I want vodka. And i've quit, all of these, but what strange things temptations can make you do. Tomorrow, i will ha...

It nearly seems like years since I last wrote. Caught up in the world of you and me.  I love love love you. Then why do I always end up hurting you? Why do my callous words, pour out in streams; one blow after the other? I am sorry. I will make amends. Things will get better. I will make you happy. I will give you a reason to love me back. I will try.

Sub ko khushiyan naseeb hoon, and i hope that everyone had an amazing day, Better than all the Eid's before. Even though i hate eid, there is something about it, that makes me optimistic about the entire day. Even if i am being nasal and singing a high note in my purposely, annoying, screechy vocals, my mom would tell my sister off, it's Eid, let her be happy. The Eid routine: wake up early, say the Salams, get the eidees from dad and make small talk, and then back to bed. Today, wasn't like every other Eid. This year, it was different. It made me miss someone, excessively; to the point of bringing me to tears. So lets say we did our yearly eid ritual, to the point of small talk, and then, brilliant I, come up with a plan of watching old videos, on a cassette player. And there he was. Somebody whose existence I've tried denying. Someone, who i loved, and now can't be sure of agreeing to it. A person, who i just want to erase from every memory, because the consequenc...

N ew. Your new at that place, but so are they. You finally adjust to them, their life, their ways of thinking and understanding. They are good, very good. You like them, because of the way they are, careless, carefree, casual, catastrophic. No tension, no hidden words, no insinuations; you don't have to feel there is something missing, or there is something more to say. You love it. You're not judged for being who you are, your words and actions don't have consequences, they are not affecting anyone. You have the freedom.  There's all that, but then there's all this too. He tells you, they are no good for you, that they will destroy your image. He tells you, its either them or him. He tells you, he will stop caring, if you don't understand soon. He's given you a week. He doesn't realise that, they are not so bad. But his words, you can't doubt, he's been right about the ones before too. What to do? Just let them go? Recede back to silence, ignor...