Turnings that make Circles.

Hi. I have to tell you and before I go, I will. At least here, I will. I know I don't have a chance of being blocked or disconnected here in any manner. I have loved you from the first day to.. Love doesn't have a defining period. It's without boundaries and time. That's what you wrote for me. I am going away, but I am here. You'll know how to find me, if you ever need to. It's been seven years jaan. I have never hesitated to call you jaan. She said she wonders how it feels. So I told her. I told her it felt like you want to blame something on someone because you dont know where you went wrong. But you know where you went wrong. But you still want to blame it on something. But for me, being who I am, it's interfering with the rules of God. Who to love and how to love. And how much. You're still looking for someone to blame. And the one you want to blame, can't even say hi to you when  you are standing less than ten feet in front of them. Even with t...

In the eventuality of events, everyone just gets up and leave. I am growing fat. Fatter. I stopped the things you thought I could never stop. But sometimes I just do it anyway to be rebellious. And when there is a lot of hatred. Just to hate you a little. I sleep well. Pills or no pills, sleep is sleep. I guess we'll never know. I hate your friend. I always had a bad feeling about her, just never said anything because when you have a heart break friends is all you have left. In my case, they left too. In the end, it's best to remember. Everything and everyone is temporary. Don't attach  yourself to things or people, they either break or get lost or they just walk out. Good byes are so difficult, even when no one is reading your shitty blog. Memorised songs become faded tunes, and suddenly you can't even remember the singer. Everyone spends sometime opening the lyrics and singing them out with the song. Then you grow up and realise. You don't have to nec...

Three more days. I'm still waiting for you to get back to me. She said to me,' You are nothing to the stranger, that is why it wasn't necessary to message you before leaving.' There was a little heart break at the entire sentence, and I laughed it off. ' I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain .' There was this movie that you asked me to watch. It was about how New York got attacked by some aliens, and the hero of the movie was in love with this girl; and the girl had dumped him. But he goes across the city to see if she's okay and if she needed saving, not caring if he died or not. You said you would do that for me. You said it, even when we weren't together. ' Dil haray pukaray tujhey, manja ray, mala le mujhey. Sun pyaaray lagalay galay' ' Someday we gonna rise up on the wind you know Someday ...

Count down. 6 days from now. You have six days and forever. Haha. Just six days. If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.

I've known for a while that you left. You were to leave, I know that. When? I didn't know that. Now that you are gone, I feel a little free. I feel heavily disappointed by the fact that you left, and that too without telling me. You said you'd be there for me. 'So where were you when all this I was going through?' You said you'd tell me when you leave. You're the one who has been full of lies, all this time. I really did love you. I hope the best for you, the best there is out there. It's time now. Time to let go off you and this blog. I started blogging because of you and I'll stop because of you. Dost, take care. 'Since I could hold my head up high And it's been a while Since I first saw you And it's been a while Since I could stand on my own two feet again And it's been a while Since I could call you And it's been a while Since I can say that I wasn't addicted And it's been a while Since I can say I love mysel...

M: Hi. How are you doing. M': I'm fine. M: I thought I should say hello and tell you about my life. M': ... M: It's okay you don't have to say anything. Actually I just need you to talk to me. I'm not doing so well. I just wish you were here. M': I'm here now. And you know I can't always be. M: I'm not going to ask for much. I want us to be friends. M': We can't be. M: Why not? M': I don't know. I want to but it's better this way. M: Don't go. Just stick around for a bit. Maybe till I get married and I'm forced to get rid of you. Or you get married and are forced to get rid of me. M': Haha. You are funny shawty. M: I knew you always took me as funny. M': I did. So what's bothering you shell? M: Did I tell you, I love it when you take my name. I feel so. Unrealistically important. M': ... you are doing that weird thing again. M: What weird thing? M...

Scene 1 It's a Sunday morning. I am lying down on my side, staring at a movie on my laptop. You, come on top of me and I move you in the space between the screen and me. I am smiling because I love you. You are the one. You put your one arm around my head and I rest my head on your shoulder. 'You are wonderful.' I kiss you on your forehead. 'Let's not get out of bed today.' ' We have to go to the party and right now I have to get the tea from the stove.' You try getting up, without disturbing the laptop, and I pull you again. 'Okay.' 'Okay.' 'Are we re-enacting The Fault in Our Stars?' I laugh a little. 'We might be.' 'Okay,' I smile, 'I love you.' 'But if I didn't love you more, we wouldn't be here.' Scene 2 We get into the car. I am driving, because I like to. We put on music some cheap desi music and move our upper bodies to it. We attend the party. It's time to go back. You drive on...

Looks blue but tastes red. Red and blue aren't flavours, they are colours.

I will message everyone today, telling them I miss them. Life is too short. And you only die once. 

Most nights I am too scared. It hasn't happened yet but it will. It might. The might is enough to scare me. Most nights, almost all, I take a pill or two to sleep. Without them I am restless, anxious and the feeling of being scared is heightened. Most nights, I am afraid of taking a pill; what if something happens and I don't wake up. What if my retrograde amnesia makes me forget. He is sick. She can be sick. They both can be sick. I am scared. I am perpetually scared. I spend most of my time worrying than actually being there.. Do you understand how I feel? I guessed you wouldn't. Hi. I miss you. Where have you been? Will you be around, like you used to be when he was sick. We got through it together.. Don't worry I'm not expecting it. And just saying that makes me expect just a little. Hey. You do know.. I love you the most. Knowing you'll be gone, scares me. You are, and this goes without saying, are my person. I think I should be telling you that I am not f...

Strange lovers, strange love for old songs. Strange silence. Endless silence. Some how I never get over this song. So I will type all the lyrics. 'Cause I miss a little bit of you. 'Cause I miss a lot of this song and the memories attached to it. 'Cause when I am sad, I can only think of this song. Woh raastay ghum na hotay. Hum sehra na bahtaktay. in sadiyon ke safar mai us waqt jo ho tehr jatay. Hum tum se keh patay hum tum se keh patay hum tum se keh patay hum tum se keh patay kabhi tou milo ge kabhi tou kaho ge hum jo yun najatay Kash Tehr Jatay Kabhi tou milo ge kabhi tou kaho ge hum jo yun najatay kash tehr jataayyyy. Aaj bhi talash hai woh Rastay chalay thay jin pe. Is terhan kabhi yun saath saath hameesha uss safar mai. kuch tou tum keh jatay kuch tou tum keh jatay kuch tou tum keh jatay kuch tou tum keh jatay kabhi tou milo ge kabhi tou kaho ge hum jo yun najatay kash tehr jatay. kabhi tou milo ge kabhi tou kaho ge hum jo yun najatay kash tehr j...

What you say and what my mind hopes it would be, are never the same thing.If you could only be as sweet as I perceived you to be before, without hesitation, I would forgive you.  If you could only see underneath this exterior, you will see, a little or maybe more than just a little of me I'd dying. Counting each day and leading myself into a denial; cause the ache is going to be evident sometime.  If you could only be there without me begging for it. 

https://soundcloud.com/superhoranfeels/i-see-fire-by-ed-sheeran Must listen. Oh, misty eye of the mountain below Keep careful watch of my brothers' souls And should the sky be filled with fire and smoke Keep watching over Durin's sons If this is to end in fire Then we should all burn together Watch the flames climb high into the night Calling out father, oh, Stand by and we will Watch the flames burn auburn on The mountain side high And if we should die tonight Then we should all die together Raise a glass of wine for the last time Calling out father, oh, Prepare as we will Watch the flames burn auburn on The mountain side Desolation comes upon the sky Now I see fire Inside the mountain I see fire Burning the trees And I see fire Hollowing souls I see fire Blood in the breeze And I hope that you remember me Oh, should my people fall then surely I'll do the same Confined in mountain halls We got too close to the flame Calling out fathe...

This is when you realise that your life has fallen to pieces. At first the idea of being sick attracts you to a whole new level. The love for attention seeking. You thought you were invincible, but are you really? It's not an epiphany, its not like she was dying. Have we forgotten the thing we all feel? Being Frightened. You're only twenty four and you have a kidney condition. Things will only become worse. I have found a death for you, it'll be renal failure. All you can think of is how to take that sleeping pill to stop it. What's it? It is the thoughts that get you. Who will control them when I am awake. You won't. You're with someone else, wondering if someone will smother you when you need to be smothered; how much space you'll get when you need space. Who would have thought having too much space would be a problem for you. I would have been perfect but honestly, I am already dying. The signs and the symptoms are all on an early onset. Thi...