Here I am in my favourite city in the world. feeling incomplete, here I was waiting for a signal that life would get better. It's about everything except my feelings; left out. I sit answering questions I don't have answers to, answers that I don't want to answer. This was supposed to be for you and me, but this is about you and that other person.
I want to get lost in the streets that are bricked pavements with the headphones in my ear. I don't want to be found, I want to be part of the air that exists here, I want to be part of the life that stays awake all night and day. subways and trams, my meagre experience of a whole new place. Naked legs and wrapped arms. I want someone who would steal my breath, here, and gives me their's in exchange. This is where I want to be. Cut ties with the people I love, so I would love them no longer. They say that changing places doesn't change hearts; but I would tear my heart out and leave the weakness behind. Embrace the part of me that wants to live here. Here that I want to call home; home is where the heart is and if i rip my heart, then i won't have a home. Have to build something from scratch. I don't mind.
Some heart aches never heal. Like the ones who loved you the most and the ones you loved most.
I like to spend time alone. Mostly sleeping. This place is new. I've made my home somewhere else, at least in my mind. A place where diversity is not a problem and the finances are to make do. Where you are not accountable to any person, do what you like till you have set limits. Limit yourself to the extreme. People stop here and there to kiss the people they love. Wear short clothes with extremely beautiful legs. Then there's that moment when you see all that happening and your virtual home isn't home any more. Virtuality comes from the head, home comes from the heart.
And the heart is left somewhere back where the home was. Who is to define where the home is; is it the place where you lived or is it where the person you love lives. And what if your heart is with someone who doesn't want your heart. Am I homeless then?
It's amazing how broken one can be, you sleep even when you aren't sleepy. And when you're well slept you're still tired. Aches with never ending weariness. This is who I am now. This is who I will always be.
I must do what I did before. Let go. To let you be. Like I did with the one who left me before.
I want to get lost in the streets that are bricked pavements with the headphones in my ear. I don't want to be found, I want to be part of the air that exists here, I want to be part of the life that stays awake all night and day. subways and trams, my meagre experience of a whole new place. Naked legs and wrapped arms. I want someone who would steal my breath, here, and gives me their's in exchange. This is where I want to be. Cut ties with the people I love, so I would love them no longer. They say that changing places doesn't change hearts; but I would tear my heart out and leave the weakness behind. Embrace the part of me that wants to live here. Here that I want to call home; home is where the heart is and if i rip my heart, then i won't have a home. Have to build something from scratch. I don't mind.
Some heart aches never heal. Like the ones who loved you the most and the ones you loved most.
I like to spend time alone. Mostly sleeping. This place is new. I've made my home somewhere else, at least in my mind. A place where diversity is not a problem and the finances are to make do. Where you are not accountable to any person, do what you like till you have set limits. Limit yourself to the extreme. People stop here and there to kiss the people they love. Wear short clothes with extremely beautiful legs. Then there's that moment when you see all that happening and your virtual home isn't home any more. Virtuality comes from the head, home comes from the heart.
And the heart is left somewhere back where the home was. Who is to define where the home is; is it the place where you lived or is it where the person you love lives. And what if your heart is with someone who doesn't want your heart. Am I homeless then?
It's amazing how broken one can be, you sleep even when you aren't sleepy. And when you're well slept you're still tired. Aches with never ending weariness. This is who I am now. This is who I will always be.
I must do what I did before. Let go. To let you be. Like I did with the one who left me before.
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