25th June.
Anonymous, this is what I wrote on a piece of paper, one day.
I wrote this on the 25th of June, I think.
Grey old car, a silly girl with apparent impish behaviour, sits in the driver's seat, thinking where to drive next; perhaps a left turn.
To much happened in this week. Too much said about her immaculate love for someone, heart bled open to him again; someone who didn't even say, "I love you too".
I hate you, because you're not anything like you used to be.
I love you, because you're my everything and more; you're my safe ground, you are the person I can talk garrulously about the things I want to hide six feet under, you're the one I can tell my woes of sleep because you're the holding my hand.
Your the reason of my sanity and insanity.
25th June. Happy Birthday. Here are the things I was supposed to say on the birthday card I got got for you, but didn't because my 14 years old best friend doesn't exist in your soul anymore.
Heylo, silliness.
19 years, feels old doesn't it? Doesn't matter, I'm turning twenty and I feel old too. Last year has been a catastrophe for you; and for me because I had to see you like that. Having to hear you crumble into pieces 'cause he left you, because you were preventing him from things and in a million ways helping him live. You don't deserve this, I don't think so. I know you're thinking, "he does". He's no God to judge what you do or do not deserve. I've said it a gazillion times to you, he really wasn't worth it. What you should feel sad is about, why you even bothered doing so much effort.
Funny, a memory just popped into my head.
Once, on our way to Zahidi's after Bukhari's birthday, you and I were talking of how a particular person was so "diplomatic", and at that moment, we couldn't remember that word, diplomatic. We could define it, but not remember the specific word, so as a conclusion, we came up with our own word; actually you came up with a word for it. A new word for the dictionary, Yshezua. I remember how loud we laughed at our childish behaviour. I remember your "dumb" driver staring at us, in his back view mirror, as though we were some lunatics.
Sometimes, we are so absorbed in something else, that we forget the other things in front of us, that should matter; like laughing for a little while about something so stupid. It's sad that we drifted from becoming us to you and me; no longer being the partners in crime, we used to be.
Dude, I miss you.
Okay, yes, too emo, I'm going now, need to eat =P. Oh Shit, I think I forgot to say Happy birthday. Don't get too depressed in the whole "I'm getting too old, so lets wail all day" - in fact, for that very reason live for the moment.
P.S: As I'm ending this letter, the only song that's coming to my head is, "When all of the stars have faded away, just try not to worry you'll see them someday. Just take what you need and be on your way and stop crying your heart out."
P.S.S: Y.O.U DON'T LOVE ME ANY MORE.
Love,
ShumayL Chaudhry =P.
Hmph.
I wrote this on the 25th of June, I think.
Grey old car, a silly girl with apparent impish behaviour, sits in the driver's seat, thinking where to drive next; perhaps a left turn.
To much happened in this week. Too much said about her immaculate love for someone, heart bled open to him again; someone who didn't even say, "I love you too".
I hate you, because you're not anything like you used to be.
I love you, because you're my everything and more; you're my safe ground, you are the person I can talk garrulously about the things I want to hide six feet under, you're the one I can tell my woes of sleep because you're the holding my hand.
Your the reason of my sanity and insanity.
25th June. Happy Birthday. Here are the things I was supposed to say on the birthday card I got got for you, but didn't because my 14 years old best friend doesn't exist in your soul anymore.
Heylo, silliness.
19 years, feels old doesn't it? Doesn't matter, I'm turning twenty and I feel old too. Last year has been a catastrophe for you; and for me because I had to see you like that. Having to hear you crumble into pieces 'cause he left you, because you were preventing him from things and in a million ways helping him live. You don't deserve this, I don't think so. I know you're thinking, "he does". He's no God to judge what you do or do not deserve. I've said it a gazillion times to you, he really wasn't worth it. What you should feel sad is about, why you even bothered doing so much effort.
Funny, a memory just popped into my head.
Once, on our way to Zahidi's after Bukhari's birthday, you and I were talking of how a particular person was so "diplomatic", and at that moment, we couldn't remember that word, diplomatic. We could define it, but not remember the specific word, so as a conclusion, we came up with our own word; actually you came up with a word for it. A new word for the dictionary, Yshezua. I remember how loud we laughed at our childish behaviour. I remember your "dumb" driver staring at us, in his back view mirror, as though we were some lunatics.
Sometimes, we are so absorbed in something else, that we forget the other things in front of us, that should matter; like laughing for a little while about something so stupid. It's sad that we drifted from becoming us to you and me; no longer being the partners in crime, we used to be.
Dude, I miss you.
Okay, yes, too emo, I'm going now, need to eat =P. Oh Shit, I think I forgot to say Happy birthday. Don't get too depressed in the whole "I'm getting too old, so lets wail all day" - in fact, for that very reason live for the moment.
P.S: As I'm ending this letter, the only song that's coming to my head is, "When all of the stars have faded away, just try not to worry you'll see them someday. Just take what you need and be on your way and stop crying your heart out."
P.S.S: Y.O.U DON'T LOVE ME ANY MORE.
Love,
ShumayL Chaudhry =P.
Hmph.
Comments
"i see the true you in this posts which was always nice yet complicated to understand"
- To this, I would say, I've always been a complicated fuzz ball. =) But never nice.
I miss this place, but I don't feel sad leaving it, because this place has never called me back. I used to be feel belonged, but its non-acceptance grew more. Sorry.
Anyways the reason for me reading your blog is that whenever i don't have anything to do i read your blog, because you are the only person till now because of whom i haven't stopped writing well i know saying this doesn't mean anything to you and seriously it shouldn't i have always been an anonymous stalker who just randomly followed you and other stuff. But this is the truth that till now your words inspire me, if somehow anytime you come across my blog the day when your wrote these i wrote something to 9 posts in a single day it was me who was writing but the thoughts, the words somehow were inspired you. And well i have always wished to be your guardian angel i don't know why but i still wish the same although i could never save you from the hurt the pain the anguish and even the things which you are going through i just could write because stalkers can never be guardian angels.
And well the things is everybody over here are attention seekers i am no different to them you read their blog they read yours back if you don't they'll keep on reading yours till a time then they'll desert you like they never know you. I just don't understand where the care the feelings which they show in comments go i seriously don't and well i think expecting something from someone especially from strangers is useless. Well you don't miss this place because you think you don't belong here. Well screw it. Seriously you belong here. And well you write for yourself then keep on writing for yourself who cares about others. I know one person won't make difference to you especially a person like me. But i actually anxiously wait for your post. I seriously do and well i don't miss the writer inside you the most i miss the person which you are. And the only way of me knowing that you are ok and still living is by your writing when you don't write for ages i do get worry but well am selfish too worrying about you lasts for a day maybe two then i again move on with my life like every other person would do. But still i just. . . . Pata nae chun chun you do belong here. Take care of your self kiddo. Pls take care. And i hope your studies are going fine. And hey rest yaar you do need some rest......