Expectations, Great.

"In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong."
- Great Expectations.

I need to grow a brain. 
I have done too much wrong in my life. I have done too much hurting. To them. To you. To me. If i begin apologising, maybe a million pages wouldn't be enough.
I need to apologise for hurting him. For still trying.
I need to apologise to her for the 17 times, and also my callous attitude, before the 17 times. For my repeated mistakes. For killing myself.
I need to apologise to her, for not understanding. For being me.
I'm sorry to him, for making him think that there could be, when there isn't.
I need to be sorry to you two, cause I'm not the best, though i hoped to be.
And my family.
And maybe me. Though i don't deserve to apologise to me. She deserves punishment, to hell.


Did you know, pictures could be painted by words? Just try walking in someone Else's shoes for less than ten minutes. Try letting them be you. Try letting them make those mistakes, that you did. Try being them. And then feel, what they feel. Feel, the way you make them feel.
There's no excuse for what you do, so don't justify.

I could certainly use some comfort. Some cuddling, a phone call, a hug? Some love, that would tell me, everything is going to be okay.
I could lie in bed, being held. Doesn't necessarily have to be a lover. I could use the comfort of my best friends, my friends; hold on. We're going to pull through.

Michelle. You will pull through. It's been your fault, but you can be better. It's okay to resent, to regret. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be blamed, even if it's not your fault. Take the blame, because they would blame themselves otherwise. Don't let them do that.
But it has been  your fault. Accept it. Face it. Consequential life. That is your punishment. You get what you sow.
Despite, your faults. You will make through. I'm still here.

I hate you, for what  you do. Michelle.

Smoke

My lullaby,hung out to dry 
What's up with that 
It's over 
Where are you dad 
Mum's lookin' sad 
What's up with that 
It's dark in here 
Why bleeding is breathing 
You're hiding , underneath the smoke in the room 
Try , bleeding is believing 
*I used to* 
My mouth is dry 
Forgot how to cry 
What's up with that 
You're hurting me 
I'm running fast 
Can't hide the past 
What's up with that 
You're pushing me 
Why , bleeding is breathing 
You're hiding , underneath the smoke in the room 
Try , bleeding is believing 
I used to 
I used to 
Why , bleeding is breathing 
You're hiding , underneath the smoke in the room 
Try , bleeding is breathing 
I saw you crawling on the floor 
Why , bleeding is breathing 
You're hiding , underneath the smoke in the room 
Try , bleeding is breathing 
I saw you crawling to the door 
Why , bleeding is breathing 
You're hiding , underneath the smoke in the room 
Try , bleeding is breathing 
I saw you falling on the floor