To be Big Me.
**What i wanna be? What i wanna be? When i grow up to be Big me?*
As kids, we spend our lives wanting to be big. Wanting to have freedom and more allowances. We want to be on our own. No one to tell us what to do, 'cause now we're "just old enough". Driving down to universities, not so early in the morning. Hanging out late, without our parents calling and screaming, why aren't you home.
But when we reach that age. We regress or rather want to regress. Recede back to childhood. We want to be children again. As we reach that particular age of "freedom and more allowances", we also reach the understanding of responsibilities, owning to our mistakes, making amends; and an innocent sorry doesn't work any longer. Making up for what you did, by doing something, by making the other believe. Ah! those were days when "shorry" used to work.
I hate being this old. I wish i was a baby, who could travel from lap to lap. Kissed on the left cheek and then the right. Mwah.. Mwah. Being fed by someone older, being showered by your sisters, being taught by the mother. Going grocery shopping to Harold's with dad.
Now, everything is a responsibility.
Even sleeping too much, or not sleeping at all.
I wish i could smile, like the one captured in the video of me in 1992. All the memories, could just stop existing. Of Him, being far too close. Of the biscuit and the neighbour house, sitting by the trees and the white dog. Of them dying. Of them walking away. Of him not being able to stand up after falling down.
I wish i were a baby me. :(
*choti shellu*
As kids, we spend our lives wanting to be big. Wanting to have freedom and more allowances. We want to be on our own. No one to tell us what to do, 'cause now we're "just old enough". Driving down to universities, not so early in the morning. Hanging out late, without our parents calling and screaming, why aren't you home.
But when we reach that age. We regress or rather want to regress. Recede back to childhood. We want to be children again. As we reach that particular age of "freedom and more allowances", we also reach the understanding of responsibilities, owning to our mistakes, making amends; and an innocent sorry doesn't work any longer. Making up for what you did, by doing something, by making the other believe. Ah! those were days when "shorry" used to work.
I hate being this old. I wish i was a baby, who could travel from lap to lap. Kissed on the left cheek and then the right. Mwah.. Mwah. Being fed by someone older, being showered by your sisters, being taught by the mother. Going grocery shopping to Harold's with dad.
Now, everything is a responsibility.
Even sleeping too much, or not sleeping at all.
I wish i could smile, like the one captured in the video of me in 1992. All the memories, could just stop existing. Of Him, being far too close. Of the biscuit and the neighbour house, sitting by the trees and the white dog. Of them dying. Of them walking away. Of him not being able to stand up after falling down.
I wish i were a baby me. :(
*choti shellu*
Comments
I think childhood was great, but personally I've come to accept these transitions we have to make in our lives and have realised that yearning for the impossible brings pain.
:(