Eid.
Sub ko khushiyan naseeb hoon, and i hope that everyone had an amazing day, Better than all the Eid's before.
Even though i hate eid, there is something about it, that makes me optimistic about the entire day. Even if i am being nasal and singing a high note in my purposely, annoying, screechy vocals, my mom would tell my sister off, it's Eid, let her be happy.
The Eid routine: wake up early, say the Salams, get the eidees from dad and make small talk, and then back to bed. Today, wasn't like every other Eid. This year, it was different. It made me miss someone, excessively; to the point of bringing me to tears.
So lets say we did our yearly eid ritual, to the point of small talk, and then, brilliant I, come up with a plan of watching old videos, on a cassette player. And there he was.
Somebody whose existence I've tried denying. Someone, who i loved, and now can't be sure of agreeing to it. A person, who i just want to erase from every memory, because the consequences won't hurt as much, when he is actually not there.
What has life and mutations done to us? Look at what cruelty fate brought to us, in the form of a human. In the form of my childhood best friend. In the form of my love, in the form of my brother. In the form of my Cousin, H.
The videos played one by one, and i kept digging a hole inside my heart, to find where i buried you. Sharing badminton rackets, hitting me because i knew my abc better. I know where i learnt how to scream, and it from him.
Sitting on a road corner, in Changla Gali, with our parents, he and i. Me at the age of one and half, you at the age of two and half. Background music playing, Roxette - It must have been love. Hand in hand. I sucking on my pacifier, like Maggie Simpsons. Partners in crime.
Today, he wasn't there. His, non-existence, came to life. And I imagined.
If he was here today, and without his disease ( Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy) , would he still hold my hand. Would he drive me around to buy me bangles, all the way from Pindi? Or would he be too busy, being and doing guy stuff? Would he still help me with vocabulary and ask me to read out a book to him? 'Cause he can't do it on his own. Would i be the one, he would chose to reminisce the past with? Would he be the brother, i never had?
Maybe, maybe not.
It hurts, to watch his eyes drowned in sorrow. To watch me able to walk, when he can't. When we were children, we both could; and now he can't and i can.
It's not the shoes. Nope, shoes don't make you walk.
I wondered.
If today he could, then would he be the one playing cards with me, instead of K. Would be be my partner or would he choose to play against?
I watched another video. Hamza, him, I, Hussain, Hasnain and Beeni, in some northern gali. The blue tent, the fire and the music, to which Nasir Mamo is dancing to. All of us lying down in the quilt, under the starry night. I wonder if we saw a shooting star, what you would wish for.
Eid Mubarak. =)
Hassan. I do love you. But it's easier for me, to make you invisible, as though, you were and are never real. I won't be able to handle the pain, when your gone. Forgive my ignorance. Please.
Maybe, you and i can hypothetically hold hands, and smile away our fears, under the starry night, Again.
*It's just another day for you, and me in paradise*
Please Ignore The Sounds In the Background, Mute and Watch =P
The Eid routine: wake up early, say the Salams, get the eidees from dad and make small talk, and then back to bed. Today, wasn't like every other Eid. This year, it was different. It made me miss someone, excessively; to the point of bringing me to tears.
So lets say we did our yearly eid ritual, to the point of small talk, and then, brilliant I, come up with a plan of watching old videos, on a cassette player. And there he was.
Somebody whose existence I've tried denying. Someone, who i loved, and now can't be sure of agreeing to it. A person, who i just want to erase from every memory, because the consequences won't hurt as much, when he is actually not there.
What has life and mutations done to us? Look at what cruelty fate brought to us, in the form of a human. In the form of my childhood best friend. In the form of my love, in the form of my brother. In the form of my Cousin, H.
The videos played one by one, and i kept digging a hole inside my heart, to find where i buried you. Sharing badminton rackets, hitting me because i knew my abc better. I know where i learnt how to scream, and it from him.
Sitting on a road corner, in Changla Gali, with our parents, he and i. Me at the age of one and half, you at the age of two and half. Background music playing, Roxette - It must have been love. Hand in hand. I sucking on my pacifier, like Maggie Simpsons. Partners in crime.
Today, he wasn't there. His, non-existence, came to life. And I imagined.
If he was here today, and without his disease ( Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy) , would he still hold my hand. Would he drive me around to buy me bangles, all the way from Pindi? Or would he be too busy, being and doing guy stuff? Would he still help me with vocabulary and ask me to read out a book to him? 'Cause he can't do it on his own. Would i be the one, he would chose to reminisce the past with? Would he be the brother, i never had?
Maybe, maybe not.
It hurts, to watch his eyes drowned in sorrow. To watch me able to walk, when he can't. When we were children, we both could; and now he can't and i can.
It's not the shoes. Nope, shoes don't make you walk.
I wondered.
If today he could, then would he be the one playing cards with me, instead of K. Would be be my partner or would he choose to play against?
I watched another video. Hamza, him, I, Hussain, Hasnain and Beeni, in some northern gali. The blue tent, the fire and the music, to which Nasir Mamo is dancing to. All of us lying down in the quilt, under the starry night. I wonder if we saw a shooting star, what you would wish for.
Eid Mubarak. =)
Hassan. I do love you. But it's easier for me, to make you invisible, as though, you were and are never real. I won't be able to handle the pain, when your gone. Forgive my ignorance. Please.
Maybe, you and i can hypothetically hold hands, and smile away our fears, under the starry night, Again.
*It's just another day for you, and me in paradise*
Please Ignore The Sounds In the Background, Mute and Watch =P
Comments
I'm sorry.
*hug*
Thank you.
Oh and no need to be sorry, i am also the cruel one.
Hug back!
Lots of love.
x